Isabella Danielle, born at 24 weeks and 1 day, 1lb 11oz, 12.5in

Zachary Michael, born at 36 weeks, 5lb 13oz, 18.5in

Alexander Charles, FULL TERM, 7lb 1oz, 20in

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The Sadness Never Changes, But Miracles Do Prevail

Yes, this title seems a little odd given that it is my firstborns birthday. The title should be all encompassing rejoiceful "HAPPY #5 BELLA BABY". But as 98% of you know, the experience of her birth was atypical and scary as hell. (Goodness, it is how we have gotten to know most of you). I must admit that today was not an easy one. I cried several times. Pain actually filled my body a couple of times. Regardless of it being 5 years removed, the anniversary of this day conjures up what was treacherous, odd, and almost a constant blur. And I don't ache for losing the pregnancy experience, but for the pain my daughter would endure for months; the first several months of her life. Those are supposed to be the happy times, the peaceful cuddle with your baby times. Not for this momma...I had to schedule to hold my baby...I had to make it to rounds to hear how she was breathing and meds administered for the day...I had to promptly show up on the hour to do diaper and linen changes...we had to ask permission to sleep on couches in the lobby while she was recovering from multiple surgeries.
With Thanksgiving coming late this year and leaving little room to get into the holiday spirit, I didn't have the cushion to soften how this time always makes me feel. I can normally use the decorating and jolly songs to lighten my mood before this week starts. Doesn't seem to be doing the trick this year. But just like my AMAZING, MIRACULOUS, SPIT-FIRE daughter gracefully pulled herself through SOOOOO much, I will too. I use her endurance to put a smile on my face. She is always my beacon of light. To this day there is always one second during the day that I look at her in awe. There is only one way to describe the blessing that she is...CHRIST! Through prayer, spreading our story across the world, sharing our story with and leaning on Father David, and having such a knowledgeable medical staff guide us, we are beyond blessed to have our baby girl turning FIVE!!! And not merely turning FIVE, but doing it with flying colors: reading, writing, doing math, running, skipping, jumping, speaking clearly. I could go on and on and on because all of that could be oh so different. And it is different for many families that went through something similar to what we did. To all of you out there that have suffered loss, I pray for you. For all of you with a special needs child, I commend you for all you do for your child. No matter how much I feel sad in a few split seconds of a day, it does not compare to what these families face; for our lives could be drastically different without our little beacon of light.
You light up our lives constantly
Her birthday blessing...such a big girl going by herself
 Decorating her room tree
 Having an early birthday dinner at the place of her choice,
with her favorite cupcake from
Peace be with you all during this holiday season! I hope you grasp the miracles of your life, big and small, and lean on CHRIST to fill your heart with joy.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Beautiful... beautiful...

Happy Birthday Bella... XOXO